On the constantly changing...

" A diary is a long winded letter you write to an old person who used to be you "

I am constantly baffled by people saying, " You've changed a lot" . It's reached a point of annoyance, that I had no choice but to analyze the person I used to be. And the conclusion is...

I have changed.

But is it wrong to change? 

            Let's look at this from the perspective of the Universe. Everything changes here. Everything must change, to something new, to something strange. A state of pure homeostasis is something that exists only in ideal conditions. Matter changes into energy, and energy transforms into matter. Space and time are so entwined, that we cannot tell the changes taking place between them. But the Universe doesn't provide any direct answers to our problem. Or so I thought at first...

Equilibrium : A condition in which all acting influences are canceled by others, resulting in a stable, balanced, or unchanging system. This is a concept we are introduced to way back in schools. But what exactly is it? Does equilibrium means no change at all ?

The answer is - No

                 In fact, Equilibrium is the epitome of change. Here, changes happen so fast, that we can only accept defeat in noting these changes.Soon the new state of the system becomes our 'unchanged' condition, our new 'normal'. Think of it this way; an ocean when looked from far away looks so peaceful. But we know it is not. With a change in our Point of View, we believe in an ever constant expanse of water. And just like a frog sitting in slowly boiling water doesn't realize its own oncoming demise, none of us realize how much we have changed from the person we used to be, until someone points it out.

               Change is inevitable - for matter, energy, life, dreams - everything. But what does it mean to us, as a species desperately trying to make sense of the world? Should I feel sad, or angry, or happy, knowing that I am not the same person I was a moment ago? 

    

     It is unfair and illogical to expect a sentient being to always cling to same personality traits through out its life time.

             We do not change because we live, it is because we change that we feel alive


           If you truly want to enjoy an ordinary life, you must constantly evolve. And any person who seems to be the same all through the years, is actually pretending, and that by definition, a lie.  

       Being true to our nature, we must surrender to the ever changing elusiveness that is our Universe. Remember, without change, we are all as good as dead, and I'd rather change and be alive, than remain the same and, well, you know, not dead !

 

On Being Original...

We use the term 'original' and 'genuine' in our lives in order to cause some profound impact in conversation. But what is this 'being original' truly mean? What does it take to be true to one's self?

                        The Theory of Fundamental Good tells us that all are born good, and that our actions which are considered evil, are our own doing. That is, they do not reflect our true selves. A lesser known theory, the Theory of Fundamental Evil says that, all are born evil, and in order to be good, we must deny our natural instincts and desires. Even then, we will not be original, but a reflection of the social norms that exist in that time and place.

                     If being neither good nor evil is not our original form, then what are we truly? More importantly, are we truly bound to either one of these fractions only? And why should we define ourselves as either good or bad? This is the fundamental question that separates a child from an adult.

                       A child or a newborn is capable of questioning its existence. From the very moment it is aware of its surroundings, a baby will try to find things that are similar to it. An example of such process is as follows;

1) Moving/ stationary object ?
2) Bright or dark colour ?
3) Similar body shapes ?
4) Silent of making sound ? etc..

                   From this point onward, it is trying to find a place  it belongs. And this process continues till it dies. And this is the thought at the fundamental heart of all human deeds. But unfortunately, sooner of later, everyone give up their quest to find a kindred at heart. And they simply let the society decide who they are. And thus comes the question of being 'real'.

                 No individual fully understands themselves. They can only, at the most, understand other people. This third person perspective is what drives the most brutal aspect of human society - the need to control one's surroundings,  but more on that another time...

                      If we can only be defined by others, then being true to ourselves means we need to be true to others as well. It's only through the eyes of those who we trust that we can see ourselves. And this requires a level of understanding greater than we normally find in the society.

                               In our perilous quest to define ourselves, we inadvertently end up in the company of the few, leaving behind the masses of acquaintances. And whom we finally deem comrades will be as close to a mirror as possible. To look past the numerous veils of personalities, to pierce through the deceptions, and the lies, and the shields one put up to protect themselves, is something equivalent to cutting a rock with a needle tip. Beneath our poised appearances, we are looking for a sense of belonging... And the funniest fact of all is,

                             " We do not find ourselves, we simply invent ourselves "

 

On chances...

                                  A standard deck of playing cards has 52 distinct cards in it. The chances of picking a face card is 4 in 13. The chances of picking an ace card is 1 in 13. If a face card is drawn first and not put back in the deck, then the probability of picking an ace card gets reduced. It's known as conditional probability.

         Life is a sample space, where all things are equally probable in the beginning. But the very moment after it begins, the unavoidable laws of conditional probability comes into play. Everything that happens in our lives is the result of everything that had happened so far. And by each passing instance of time an infinite number of possible outcomes are replaced by new ones. Whatever we've become is the result of a series of seemingly complex elimination processes, leading inevitably, here.

  

                        The thing about life is, once an outcome is eliminated from the instantaneous sample space, it cannot, under no circumstances, be considered in the new sample space. Such is the nature of time, or rather the way we experience it. Which leads us to one of the greatest questions, what happens to all those possible futures ? Do they simply cease to exist? Or they continue to exist parallel to this reality? I use the word parallel not because I expect them to converge at infinity, but because they do not seem to interfere with this life. Or do they?

        I find it interesting that people possess an emotion called regret. A sad, deep longing for things that never happened to them. A lost object, an unrequited love, words that were never spoken... And in this state of regret, they invent alternate realities in their minds, trying to compensate for what they think as 'the wrong choices'. I am not immune to this feeling either, just to be clear. But would we think any different if those imagined lives were real? Would we stop wishing for a different outcome if we were living in that probable future?

       This leads us back to the first question; Do the worlds in our imagination, the once equally probable realities, exist hand in hand with this one? The nature of our Universe, it seems, support the Principles of Entropy and the Arrow of Time. Things happen in one way only, as far as we can tell. But what if the numerical values we interpret as probability or chance represent another dimension of time, that we are incapable of recognizing? It had been our experience that mathematical values are not meaningless, they denote some part of Universe which is very real. So, what if the chances of getting a head in a coin toss or a 2 in a dice throw is an arbitrary value in an Axis perpendicular to what we experience as time?

       The implications of such a notion are vast. It could redefine our understanding of the nature of time, luck, fate and perhaps the very thing we call God. It might lead to inventions that is considered as science fiction nowadays - time travel, infinite prolongation of life, universal peace and so on... The oldest questions asked by mankind could be answered it such progresses were made.

        But what does it truly mean to us? The idea that everything we have ever thought, dreamed or spoke about doing are equally probable, and those lives exist side by side this one, and perhaps we still have a chance of living them, is the greatest feeling we can have. A chance to take a walk with dad, or a nice evening listening to mom's singing, or a chit chat with sister, or a second meeting with that lovely stranger on the train, or a last night out with the buddies before saying goodbye, who wouldn't want that?

      As a faceless entity said in a late night's dream - " Present is what connects the Future to the Past ". So let all the probabilities exist, and direct our small, fragile lives to whatever end..

                               Run. Jump. Breathe. Live

On truth....

It's easier to tell the truth, not because of moral reasons, but because it requires less brain work. Lying needs a great deal of imagination, twisting of facts, quick thinking and remembering what you blurted out. But truth, is just facts - unbiased, devoid of opinions, cold and sharp. And when you're having that throbbing head pain, truth seems to be the easier choice.